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Well, let me tell ya ’bout this Cookies and Chem thing, like them young folks talk about on the internet. I ain’t no expert, mind you, but I know a thing or two ’bout feelin’ good and what smells alright. So, this Cookies and Chem, they say it’s some kinda weed. Yeah, that Mary Jane stuff. Now, I ain’t never smoked nothin’ in my life, but my neighbor’s boy, he talks about it all the time. Says this one makes ya feel all happy and giggly, like you just won…

Alright, let’s talk about this “cultured dessert option” thing, like they got in that crossword puzzle. You know, the one in the New York Times. Sounds fancy, don’t it? But really, it ain’t that complicated. They just talkin’ ’bout yogurt, like that TCBY stuff. I remember when my grandbaby showed me this puzzle. “Cultured dessert option,” she reads, all proper-like. And I’m thinkin’, “What in the tarnation is that?” Then she tells me the answer is TCBY. Oh, that stuff! We used to get that sometimes, back when the kids…

Alright, let’s talk about them donabe thingamajigs, you know, those pots for cookin’. I ain’t no fancy chef, mind you, just a plain ol’ cook, but I know good food when I taste it, and these pots, well, they make food taste real good. First off, what is a donabe anyway? It’s just a pot, a clay pot, yeah, like the ones your grandma mighta used, but these are a bit fancier, I guess. They say it cooks things all nice and even, not like them thin metal pots that…

Well, hey there! Let me tell ya somethin’ ’bout this tamarindo candy. You know, the stuff that makes your mouth pucker and your eyes water? Yeah, that’s the one. First off, they say it’s good for your belly. Somethin’ ’bout helpin’ you go to the bathroom easier. Like, you eat it, and then, boom! Everything just…moves along, if ya know what I mean. They call it “fiber” I think. Sounds fancy, but all I know is it helps ya poop. Now, some folks are always worried about their weight. Always…

Alright, let’s talk about yankin’ out them wisdom teeth and what you can stuff in your mouth after. Them doctors, they do their thing, pull them suckers out, and then it’s up to you to not mess it all up. Now, you might be thinkin’, “Can I chug down a soda?” Hold your horses, I say. Hold your horses. The first day? Forget about it. You’re gonna be numb as a doorknob, and the last thing you need is to be bitin’ on your own cheek ’cause you can’t feel…

Alright, let’s gab about this here “cookie hoodie” thing. I ain’t no fancy fashionista, mind you, but I know comfy when I feel it, and cookies? Well, everybody loves cookies, ain’t that right? So, a hoodie with cookies on it? Sounds kinda fun, I reckon. First off, what the heck is a hoodie anyway? It’s one of them sweatshirts with a hood, you know, like what the youngsters wear all the time. Keeps you warm, and that hood? Good for keeping the wind outta your ears, or hidin’ your face…

Alright, let’s talk about them Skittles desserts, you know, the candy kind. Not sure why they call ’em desserts, maybe ’cause they taste like it? Anyways, I ain’t no fancy cook, but I know what tastes good, and them Skittles, well, they got somethin’ special. Skittles, Skittles, What Are Ya? First off, what are these Skittles desserts anyway? They ain’t like no cake or pie I ever made. They’re them little chewy candies, all colorful and whatnot. Comes in a bag, easy to eat, kids love ’em. But these ain’t…

Well, let me tell ya ’bout this here Shepherd of the Hills Dinner Show. I ain’t no fancy writer or nothin’, just gonna tell it like it is, ya know? So, this here show, it’s about some folks livin’ in the Ozarks. Mountains and such. Reminds me a bit of home, ‘cept I ain’t never seen no mountains that big around here. Anyways, there’s this feller, Old Matt Matthews, and another old feller, Dad Howitt. Dad Howitt, he’s kinda mysterious, like he done seen a thing or two. He left…

Alright, let’s talk about this cherry vodka sour thing, you know, the kind of drink them city folks like. I ain’t no fancy bartender or nothin’, just a plain ol’ person who likes a good drink now and then. So, if you’re lookin’ for some highfalutin’ recipe with all them fancy words, you best go look somewhere else. This here is just how I make it, simple and good. First off, you gotta have some vodka, right? But not just any vodka, the best kind is that cherry vodka. I…

Well, so you’re askin’ if a cat can drink before a sonogram, huh? Let me tell ya, it ain’t that simple. It’s like askin’ if you can eat before goin’ to the doctor. Sometimes ya can, sometimes ya can’t. It all depends on what they’re lookin’ at. First off, what’s this “sonogram” thingy anyway? It’s like, they use this here machine to peek inside your cat’s belly. Not with a knife, mind you! It’s like magic, they rub this jelly stuff and then use this wand thing to see what’s…