Darnell

Alright, listen up, y’all. We’re gonna talk ’bout makin’ some sweet treats without all that fancy butter. You know, the stuff that costs an arm and a leg these days. Back in my day, we didn’t have all that fuss, and we still ate good! So, let’s get down to it. First off, there’s this thing called “Depression Cake.” Sounds sad, but it ain’t! They call it “wacky cake” too. I reckon it got that name ’cause it’s so simple, even a fool could make it. And guess what? No…

Well, let me tell ya, I reckon when you’re throwin’ a big ol’ shindig like a wedding rehearsal dinner, ya gotta make sure folks know where they’re goin’ and what they’re in for. One way to do that is with a good ol’ sign. Not just any sign, mind you, but a “Rehearsal Dinner” sign that’ll catch folks’ eyes and point ‘em in the right direction, so they don’t end up in the wrong spot. It ain’t no fancy thing, but it sure can make a big difference. Now, there’s…

So, yer gettin’ married, huh? Well, I reckon that’s a big ol’ deal, and ‘fore the big day, ya got the rehearsal dinner to think about. Now, I know y’all wanna look good, but not too fancy, see? It’s like a little warm-up, but still special enough to make folks look twice. Let me tell ya, I been around the block a few times, and I got some ideas for ya on what to wear to that dinner thing. Ain’t no need to be stressin’ over it, just keep it…

Alright, let’s gab about these Christmas cookie decorating kits, you know, the ones they sell for makin’ cookies all pretty and whatnot. I seen ‘em at the store, all colorful and fancy lookin’. Makes it easy, I guess, for folks who don’t wanna start from scratch, like me back in the day. Now, these kits, they got all sorts of stuff in ‘em. Some got the cookies already baked, which is a godsend if you ain’t got the time or the patience for bakin’. Just plain cookies, mind you, shaped…

Well now, let me tell ya, I ain’t no fancy cook or nothin’, but I do know how to make a good meal outta some tough meat. We’re gonna talk about cube steak in the crock pot, ya hear? It’s one a’ them things that’s easy as pie, even for an old woman like me. First off, ya gotta get yerself some cube steak. Now, I don’t know what kinda fancy cuts they got in them city stores, but I just get the regular stuff. Don’t matter much, ’cause the…

Alright, let me tell ya ’bout them cookie makin’ machines, ya know, the ones they use to make all them fancy cookies you see in the stores. I ain’t no expert, but I seen a thing or two, and I can tell ya what I know. First off, ya gotta have somethin’ to mix all the stuff together, right? They call it a mixer, real fancy-like. This thing’s like a big ol’ bowl, but it’s got these spinny things in it that go round and round, mixin’ up the flour…

Alright, let me tell ya ’bout this Newport Dinner Train, or whatever they call it now…Grand Bellevue somethin’ somethin’. Anyways, it’s a train, and they feed ya on it. Fancy, huh? First off, they say it’s real pretty, this train ride. Goes by some bay, Narragansett they call it. Said to be one of the prettiest views on the East Coast. Now, I ain’t seen it myself, but that’s what folks are sayin’. Makes ya think it’s gotta be somethin’ special, all them fancy folks goin’ on about it. They…

Alright, let’s talk about this “dessert camo” stuff. Now, I ain’t no soldier or fancy pants expert, but I know a thing or two about hidin’ things. You see, out in the desert, it’s all sand and rocks and not much else. So, if you wanna stay hidden, you gotta look like sand and rocks, right? That’s what this dessert camo is all about, plain and simple. They call it the “Desert Camouflage Uniform,” or DCU, for short. Sounds all official and whatnot, but it’s just clothes that look like…

Well, now, if you wanna look real sharp for a fancy night out, you might wanna think ’bout a green velvet dinner jacket. That’s right, green velvet! It’s one of them things that’s not too loud, but sure makes a statement when you walk in the room. You know, when you wear somethin’ like that, people gonna look at ya and think, “Now that’s a person who knows how to dress.” Let me tell ya, that green velvet ain’t like them regular jackets. It’s all soft and shiny, almost like…