Dinner

Alright, let’s talk about this “rehearsal dinner” thing. Folks call it a practice supper before the big wedding shindig, you know? Like a warm-up for the main event. What’s this rehearsal dinner all about, anyway? Well, it’s like this. You got your young’uns gettin’ hitched, right? And they got their friends and family all gathered ’round. This dinner, it’s a chance to say “thank you” to all them folks who helped out with the wedding plans. The bridesmaids, the groomsmen, the mama who baked the cake… you get the picture….

Well, let me tell ya, planning a wedding ain’t easy. And that rehearsal dinner thing? It’s a whole other kettle of fish. You gotta get it right, or things can go south real fast. So, listen up, I’m gonna tell ya how to avoid some big mistakes, you hear? First off, don’t make it too fancy. You don’t need no crystal chandeliers and white tablecloths. Nobody cares about that fancy stuff. What folks want is good food and a good time. Think simple, like pizza or a taco bar. Yeah,…

Alright, so you’re tellin’ me you gotta go to one of them fancy dinner thingies before the weddin’? The rehearsal dinner, they call it. And you ain’t no skinny minnie, huh? Join the club, sister! We bigger gals gotta look good too, ain’t no shame in that game. So, let’s figure out what kinda dress you gonna wear to this here plus size rehearsal dinner dress shindig. First off, don’t you go thinkin’ you gotta wear somethin’ plain and frumpy just ’cause you got some curves. No sirree! We gonna…

Alright, let me tell you about this thing, this… murderous Lewellyn’s candlelit dinner, yeah, that’s what they called it. I heard about this fella, Lewellyn. Young and handsome, they say. But lemme tell ya, handsome ain’t everything. This boy, he was strange. Real strange. Folks in the building, they’d see him doin’ all sorts of weird stuff. Like, why does he spend all day peeling onions on the apartment stairs until his eyes are red-raw? And get this, what’s with those filthy black fingernails? Makes ya wonder, don’t it? I…

Alright, listen up, y’all. We gonna talk about this Thanksgiving dinner thing, you know, the one with the turkey and all that fixin’s. I heard some folks callin’ it market basket Thanksgiving dinner, sounds fancy, but it’s just food, plain and simple. First off, gotta get yourself a bird, a big ol’ turkey. Don’t matter where you get it, just make sure it’s a good one. Not too skinny, not too fat, just right. You know, like a good hen, plump and ready to go. And speaking of ready to…

Well, let me tell ya somethin’ about this here… uh… ivory dinner jacket thing. I ain’t no fancy pants, ya know? But I seen enough folks dressed up for church and such to know a thing or two about lookin’ presentable. What’s an ivory dinner jacket, you ask? Well, it ain’t rocket science. It’s a fancy jacket, like a suit coat, but all white, kinda like… like them fancy teeth some folks get. Ivory, they call it. Not the real stuff, mind you, that’s for elephants and they need it…

Well, let me tell ya, it’s like this. You got a place, a restaurant, right? And it’s busy, real busy. Folks call it the dinner rush, like a bunch of cows stampeding for feed. It’s the dinner rush and a table orders shirley temples. I don’t know what them Shirley Temples be, some fancy drink for city folks, I reckon. Kids like ’em, I heard. Sweet stuff, like them sugary sodas. Now, you got this table, maybe a whole family, pa, ma, and a bunch of little ‘uns. And they…

Well, let me tell ya ’bout this here Harmons Thanksgiving dinner. I ain’t no fancy cook, ya know, but I do know good eatin’ when I taste it. And let me tell ya, this Harmons stuff, it ain’t half bad. First off, they got this turkey. Big ol’ turkey, cooked just right. Not too dry, not too tough. Juicy, ya know? Like when you bite into it, the juice just squirts out. That’s how a good turkey should be. They say somethin’ ’bout “Buttermilk-Brined,” I dunno what that means, but…

Alright, alright, let’s talk about them fancy gold dinner plates, you know, the shiny ones that look like they belong in a king’s house or somethin’. I seen ’em in the stores, all glimmery and such, and I gotta say, they do catch your eye, like a firefly on a summer night. Now, I ain’t no expert on fancy stuff, mind you. I’m just a plain ol’ person, used to regular plates, the white ones, you know? But even I can see these gold plates are somethin’ special. They make…

Alright, let’s gab about gettin’ all dolled up for that rehearsal dinner, you know, the one before the big shindig. It ain’t the weddin’ itself, but ya still wanna look presentable, like you didn’t just crawl outta the hen house. Now, I ain’t no fancy pants fashionista, but I know a thing or two about lookin’ decent. First off, ya gotta think about the dress code. Is it fancy-schmancy, or more laid-back? If they’re havin’ it at some hoity-toity country club, you best believe you gotta step it up a…