Drinks

Alright, so you got yourself a Christmas tree, huh? A real one, not one of them fakey things. Good for you, makes the house smell all nice and piney. But now you’re tellin’ me the darn thing ain’t drinkin’ water? Like a stubborn mule, it is. Well, let me tell ya, I’ve seen a thing or two, and I can help you figure this out. Don’t you worry none. First off, what kind of tree did you get? Some of them firs, they’re good drinkers. But some other kinds, maybe…

Alright, let’s talk about this chia seed thing and them sports drinks, you know, the stuff them young folks are always guzzling down. I heard tell it’s good for ya, makes you strong like an ox, or somethin’ like that. Chia seeds, what are they? Well, they’re these tiny little seeds, look like bird food if you ask me. But folks say they got a whole lotta energy packed in ’em. Like, a whole heap of it. They say one ounce got more than a hundred of them calorie things….

Well, let me tell ya, chest pain after drinkin’, that ain’t no good thing. It happens, you know? More often than you think. I’ve seen it, heard about it. Folks get to drinkin’, and then, bam! Pain in the chest, like a mule kickin’ you. Why does it happen, you ask? Lots of reasons, I reckon. One thing is this blood pressure thing. Drinkin’ can make your blood pressure go up, up, up, like a kite in a storm. And when that happens, your heart starts beatin’ all crazy. Not…

Alright, let’s talk about this CBD drink thing, you know, the stuff everyone’s yappin’ about. Folks keep askin’ “cbd drinks near me”, so I figured I’d spill the beans on what I know. Don’t expect no fancy words, I ain’t got none of that. Just plain talk, like it is. First off, what the heck is it? Well, it’s like this drink, see? They put this stuff called CBD in it. Some say it comes from a plant, like hemp or somethin’. I ain’t no farmer, but I know plants…

Well, let me tell ya somethin’ about this Cassandra Nix gal. I ain’t never heard of her before, but from what I’ve gathered, she’s a real piece of work, if you catch my drift. They say she’s in them… what do you call ’em… “adult” movies? I ain’t seen none of that stuff, mind you. My old eyes ain’t built for that kind of… jigglin’ and whatnot. But the young folks these days, they sure do like their entertainment, don’t they? And this Cassandra, she seems to be right in…

Alright, let’s talk about why some folks can’t seem to drink from a straw. It ain’t just about being clumsy, you know. Sometimes, there’s somethin’ more to it. What’s this “Dysphagia” Thing? Well, some fancy doctors, they call it “dysphagia.” Sounds scary, but it just means you got trouble swallowin’. Yup, swallowin’ ain’t as easy as it seems for some people. It could be food, it could be drinks, even water sometimes. Makes eatin’ and drinkin’ a real chore. Can’t swallow right, that’s the main thing. Might choke or cough…

Alright, let’s talk about this “can’t drink from straw” thing. You know, some folks just can’t suck stuff up through a straw like the rest of us. It ain’t always just being picky, ya hear? Sometimes, there’s somethin’ wrong inside. What’s the big deal, you ask? Well, it’s called, uh, something fancy, “dis…dis…phay…gee-ah” or somethin’ like that. Sounds like a disease from the city, don’t it? Anyway, it just means you got trouble swallowin’. Yeah, swallowin’! Food, water, anything. And if you can’t swallow right, then usin’ a straw? Forget…

Alright, let’s talk about yankin’ out them wisdom teeth and what you can stuff in your mouth after. Them doctors, they do their thing, pull them suckers out, and then it’s up to you to not mess it all up. Now, you might be thinkin’, “Can I chug down a soda?” Hold your horses, I say. Hold your horses. The first day? Forget about it. You’re gonna be numb as a doorknob, and the last thing you need is to be bitin’ on your own cheek ’cause you can’t feel…

Well, let me tell ya somethin’ about these here tea bags and whether you can still make a cuppa when they’re past their due date. You know, when I was young, we didn’t have all these fancy dates on things. We used our noses and our eyes. If it looked okay and smelled okay, we used it. Nowadays, everything’s got a date stamped on it, even tea! Land sakes! So, can ya drink expired tea bags? The short answer? Yep, mostly. It ain’t like milk or meat, you know? Them…

Alright, so you wanna know if a sugar person can have some of that Skrewball peanut butter whiskey, huh? Well, let me tell ya, it ain’t a simple yes or no. I ain’t no doctor, mind you, but I’ve seen enough in my life to know a thing or two about what’s good and what ain’t for ya. First off, that Skrewball stuff, it’s sweet, real sweet. They say it’s got that peanut butter taste, which sounds nice and all, but that sweetness comes from sugar, and sugar ain’t no…